If you know me very well at all, you know that I like my life to be neat and organized, in every way. From my house to my yard to the way my kids look, I want everything to feel tidy. I used to wonder what made me that way. Really, what does it matter anyways? Everyone seems proud of how I keep my house. They congratulate me on how responsible and hardworking I am. And you know what? It makes me feel good. I like that people are happy with who I am and what I do. But God has really been speaking to my heart about why I feel the need to make everything in my life appear so perfect and why I am afraid to live outside of all the neat boundaries I have set for myself.
Not that wanting a tidy home and yard is bad thing in and of itself, but I don't want it to be who I am. I'm tired of desperately needing the approval of so many people and not caring enough about what my Creator thinks of me. I don't want to live my life walking around in Martha's shoes(And no I don't mean Stewart). I want to be like Mary and sit quietly and restfully at His feet, waiting on His every word and basking in His loving presence. I want Him to be pleased when He looks into my eyes and my life and my heart. I want Him to see a woman who looks to her Master for her identity; A woman who feels free to be herself and to lay aside her work and sit awhile or play with her children; A woman who isn't afraid to make mistakes; And most of all, a woman who is deeply in love with her God.
I'm sure it won't happen over-night, but I do feel a slow change in who I am becoming. I feel a new sense of freedom and joy. I'm sure I will always love the smell of a freshly cleaned house or my babies just out of the bath, but I also want to take time to really enjoy and appreciate the gifts of my loving husband, sweet children and cozy home. And that means letting go and allowing life to happen, and yes, sometimes, even getting a little dirty. :)
